


You Allow Me to Breathe

by devious-sex-monster (darkotter)



Category: Free!
Genre: Childhood Sexual Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-27
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-19 00:15:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2367185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkotter/pseuds/devious-sex-monster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matsuoka Rin has been hiding something, and recently it's come back to haunt him with a vengeance. Maybe it's because he and Haruka have becoming more intimate... or maybe he's just ignored it for much too long. But fears must be faced, even if it feels impossible to do so.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know that this isn't a completely original idea. I've actually read a fic with a similar premise... But mine is much different.... I DO WHAT I WANT.

Rin rolled over onto his side, hand clenching at the blankets in his sleep. A small shudder ran through his previously calm frame. _Rin couldn't breathe. He fought, and twisted, but he couldn't breathe with the hand covering his mouth. "Sh, Rin, it's okay, I'll take care of you, papa takes care of all his boys... But you have to be quiet, or else you'll wake them up." The hands made him squirm and whimper, the burning hot, large hands that touched and stroked and prodded. "You're a good boy, Rin. My favorite..."_

A small whimper escaped Rin's lips and he curled in on himself more, dragging the blankets with him. _There were hands, so many hands, and even if there were just two it felt like more, so many more, all over his body. His chest heaved as he panted and cried._

 _A hand touched his shoulder, it was shaking him, shaking him, and he couldn’t breathe, he was too scared_. He jolted awake with a loud gasp, and there was a hand on him, on his sweat-dampened arm, but there shouldn’t have been a hand, because he was awake now. He was supposed to have left that in the dream.

A wave of panic crashed over Rin, adding to the fear that already tugged at his mind from the nightmare and he lashed out.

“Let go!” he cried just as the back of his hand came into contact with something. Something soft and warm and… and… The dull smack echoed through the mostly silent room and he sucked in a quick breathe. Looking through his hair, eyes still wide from the adrenaline pounding through his body, he stared in horror at...

…Haru.

The young man sat before him, legs tangled in the blankets, holding his left cheek in one hand. The cheek that Rin had just hit with the back of his now stinging hand. He had hit him hard enough to make the back of his hand sting. What had he done? There was shock within Haruka’s gaze. Confusion. Concern.

“Oh f-fuck, Haru, I-I’m sorry,” Rin spluttered out. “I didn’t mean to hit you, I didn’t realize it was you, fuck, I’m sorry.” He moved to reach out to Haru, then stopped himself and clenched the blankets instead. Haru simply lowered his hand, placing it in his lap. Even in the dim moonlight filtering in through the curtains, Rin could see the already-swollen and bruised flesh of his boyfriend’s cheek.

“Rin…It’s okay…” Haru murmured, eyes never leaving Rin’s face. “It’s not like it’s the first time you’ve hit me, anyway.”

“Is that s-supposed to make me feel better?” he choked out, eyes wide.

“I only mean that it didn’t hurt all that much. It was an accident,” Haru stated softly.

Rin couldn’t believe him. He couldn’t take his eyes off of the bruised cheek, and found himself staring at the dark-haired boy for another long moment, completely stunned, before he scrambled from the bed. “Ice, I’ll get you ice,” the redhead stuttered, nearly tumbling to the floor as he fumbled from the blankets of Haru’s bed. And before Haruka could utter another word, he had left the room, slamming his shoulder into the doorframe as he went. It would definitely bruise and he didn’t care in the slightest.

He didn’t stop until he had stumbled down the stairs and hallway and was standing in the middle of the small kitchen in the Nanase residence. For what felt like several minutes, Rin stood stock still, head bowed, as he willed his body to stop shaking.

Why was he shaking? Panic, fear, adrenaline… _guilt_? He had hit Haru. Hit him with the back of his hand, even though Haru hadn't done anything at all but touch his arm. Would Haru forgive him? What would he say, when the others undoubtedly asked why his cheek was so bruised?

He shook himself violently, ran his fingers through his hair and tugged at his locks, then moved to the refrigerator and pulled out a tray of ice from the freezer. He put several ice cubes into a plastic bag, willing his mind to go blank. _Think of something else. Anything else. Anything at all. Think of swimming, of the pool, of how hard Aiichiro has been working, of his friends in Iwatobi. Anything._

Rin grabbed a hand towel and wrapped it around the bag of ice; it would be much softer on Haru’s cheek than the ice alone. Then he turned around, intent on heading back upstairs.

Haru was standing in the entrance to the kitchen, in his worn out dolphin sweatshirt and a pair of Rin's boxers. Rin nearly dropped the bag of ice in start, his entire body tensing up. A new, albeit small, wave of panic coursed through him and he gripped the ice tightly in his fist. He couldn’t stop himself thinking absently that they should figure out how to convince Haru to wear a bell wherever he went; he was too damn quiet.

“H-Haru. Don’t _do_ that, announce your presence or something. How many times do we have to tell you?” Rin said, attempting his usual cadence and smirk. He failed miserably, because he couldn’t seem to stop his voice from shaking. _Stop it, stop it, stop **shaking**_.

Some detached part of himself said that he must've made an interesting sight, standing in the middle of the kitchen in nothing but a pair of Haruka's boxers (how did they mix that up?) and nothing else, clutching a bag of ice and a hand towel like his life depended on it. He didn't know, but right now it felt like it did. If it were colder, he could blame his shaking on shivers. But it wasn’t cold.

Haru didn't say anything for a long moment, simply looking at him with that beautiful blue gaze. Then he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Rin. For a moment, Rin thought of pulling away, tensing as he was touched. But this was Haru. Haru who wasn't all that good at comfort. Haru who didn't have as many perfectly formulated words as Makoto. And so Rin let himself relax into him, dropping his arms to the side. The ice fell from his grip to land on the floor with a dull thud.

The arms around him tightened and pulled him closer, and Haru murmured, “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me. Not if you don’t want to.”

How could he say that? How could he be so calm? Rin had just hit him, and here he was, hugging him, telling him that he didn't have to talk about it. Where others would demand an explanation. He had to remind himself that Nanase Haruka was not like other people though.

Rin buried his face in Haru's shoulder, hands finding the loose, soft fabric of Haru's favorite sweatshirt. He smelled like...safety. Haru's skin smelled faintly of chlorine, and his hair smelled of his conditioner, and then something else that was all Haru's, and it distracted the redhead enough to allow some of the tension to drain from his shoulders.

“When you’re ready you can tell me,” Haruka murmured. His lips were close to Rin’s ear and he could just feel the faint ghost of his breath as he spoke. The redhead let out a soft whimper and tightened his grip on Haru’s sweatshirt.

He wouldn’t cry. He _would not_ cry. Haru had seen too many of his tears, he wouldn’t cry again. Especially not because of a _dream_. So instead, he buried his face more completely into Haru’s neck and hair and bit hard into his lip and shook. And the dark haired boy held him, fingers running through his red locks.

Rin didn't know how long they stood like this. Haru occasionally let his hand trail down Rin's back, rubbing at the muscles there, or scratched gently at his scalp. But he never complained. Never pulled away. Never commented on Rin’s shaking, or the fact that his arm was probably asleep since Rin was taller than he was.

It was the redhead who finally broke the embrace. Once he thought he was calm enough, he pulled away from the warmth and stood there, rubbing his arm. He chanced a glance at Haru and a fresh wave of shame came over him upon seeing the bruise. He couldn’t meet that blue gaze and so looked down instead, worrying his lip once more with sharp teeth.

The moonlight reflected off the kitchen floor, and the shadows swayed as the wind blew the trees gently. How beautiful that was, he thought. He never really had thought of how shadows could be beautiful.

“Rin. Look at me.”

Rin raised his head, peeking at Haru through his hair. The look in those blue eyes took his breathe away. It held the intensity that Haru generally reserved for water and water alone. And here he was, staring at Rin with that _look_. Slowly, carefully, as if he expected the redhead to flee or flinch, he cupped his cheeks with both hands.

“It’s fine,” he murmured then leaned up those few inches and pressed his lips to Rin’s. Rin let his eyes close and kissed back, covering both of Haru’s hands with his own.

Just like his smell, Haru tasted like safety. He tasted like the sea. Like home. This was the taste Rin always wanted in his mouth. So when his boyfriend let his tongue dance across Rin’s abused lips, he parted them and allowed Haru to lick into his mouth.

The kiss only lasted a few moments, and then the dark haired boy pulled back and surveyed Rin with concerned eyes. “Let’s go back to bed,” he said and dropped his hands, dragging Rin’s along with them.

He intertwined their fingers and gave the redhead a small tug. Quickly snatching up the bag of ice, Rin followed Haruka back upstairs. He even let Rin hold the bag of ice to his swollen cheek for several minutes, until he complained about it being too cold.

 

*** 

 

“Say, Haru-chan, how’d you get that big bruise on your face?”

They were taking a break during joint practice and had ended up sitting in the grass outside the Samezuka pool. And of course, it had to be Nagisa. Leave it to Nagisa to point it out. Rin busied himself in taking a sip of his soda, not looking at any of them, especially Haruka. If he did, he would certainly flush or react in a similar manner.

“Rin hit me,” Haru said absently as he took a drink from his water.

Rin nearly choked on his soda. Instead, he just spluttered into it, resulting in some of the carbonation to go up his nose. When he had surfaced from that unpleasantness, he found them all staring at him. They hadn’t moved on from the topic yet.

“Rin-chan! You hit _Haru_?” Nagisa gasped out, eyes wide with shock. “Did you guys get into a fight? Is that where you got that big bruise on your shoulder? How could you _hit_ Haru-chan?”

“I-I,” Rin spluttered out. Even if Nagisa wanted an explanation, he really wasn’t letting him get a word in. What did he expect him to do?

“It was an accident,” Haru spoke up, cutting off Nagisa with a clipped and practiced tone. “He didn’t know I was behind him and he swung his arm back.” He looked over at Rin and caught the maroon gaze. Rin thanked him silently, shoulders relaxing a little bit. Haru gave a minute nod in reply.

“Rin-senpai isn’t good at noticing other people,” Aiichiro piped up. “I’ve almost been hit by him as well.”

“Ai!” Rin said sharply, glaring at the younger boy. He flushed under the glare and smiled meekly, but didn’t apologize and finally the redhead just sighed heavy and went back to drinking his soda.

“So, so how did you get that bruise, Rin-senpai?” Rei questioned, eyes on the large bruise on Rin’s shoulder. “It looks painful.”

“Walked into a doorframe,” Rin answered. Hey, it _was_ the truth. He _had_ walked into the doorframe. More like ran into it. Fell into it. Either way, he wasn’t going to tell them _why_ he had hit it so hard. And he was glad to see that this answer seemed to appease most of them. Nagisa was watching him with his eyes narrowed, however, and he could tell that the blond wanted to prod more.

“It doesn’t look too bad,” Makoto said with a small smile. Thank god for Makoto being able to so acutely read people. He was sure the brunet had seen how awkward Rin looked, and how determined Nagisa had gotten. “I’m sure it’ll be gone before you know it.”

Rin simply nodded and drained the rest of his soda. He got to his feet, and the other Samezuka boys took that as a ‘get back to practice’, because they all got up as well and headed back into the pool in a straggling group. The Iwatobi swimmers took a little longer to get moving, but once Makoto stood, the others had joined. Haruka had already reached the pool and was drifting in one of the farther lanes by the time the rest had caught up.

-

Haruka hung back after practice. He told Makoto to head home, earning him a curious look from the brunet, but a smile and nod all the same. Rin noticed that the Iwatobi swimmer was dallying, taking an unusual amount of time showering, and then changing into clothes.

“You can leave, Sousuke, I’ll see you in the room. I won’t be much longer,” Rin said to his friend. The boy gave him a piercing look, teal gaze filled with what Rin suspected to be curiosity, but nodded and headed out with his hands in his pockets, quickly getting accosted by Momotarou and Aiichirou.

Rin finished tying his shoes and went up to Haruka.

 Blue eyes met his as he stepped closer. A small smile graced Haru’s lips. “You swam good today,” he murmured. Rin grinned, showing all his teeth.

“Next time, let’s race,” the redhead said in a breathless voice. He braced his hands on either side of Haru’s head on the lockers and leaned forward, closing the distance between their lips. Haru kissed back immediately, tugging Rin closer by his belt loops until they were pressed together.

“Yes,” Haru breathed against Rin’s lips before kissing him again. Haru’s lips were soft against his, and he felt like he could get drunk off of the taste of Haru’s mouth. He nibbled lightly at his lips, causing Haru’s breath to catch in his throat. A feeling of accomplishment washed over him; it was hard to get Haru to make any sort of noise.

He let out a soft groan when Haru replied with a bite of his own, harder than Rin’s and deliciously painful. The redhead gasped softly as he felt Haru’s tongue follow his teeth, soothing over the bitten skin and into his mouth.

Rin panted softly as he tangled his tongue with Haru’s, teeth knocking together gently. Saliva ran down Haru’s lips, and when they finally broke apart, a strand of it kept them connected for a moment. The redhead watched as Haru licked his swollen lips slowly, letting his tongue run across the place Rin had bitten. It was incredibly hot and he couldn’t help but dive down once more to capture that tongue.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was going to post this on the 4th... but got excited and wanted to post it. So you guys get chapter 2 now, instead of Saturday.

_It’s hot and thick and Rin’s chest feels like it’s going to burst if it keeps up. And of course it does, because it always does and no one ever seems to notice why doesn’t anyone notice? He sucks in a deep breathe, trying hard to be quiet but it’s so hard it’s so hard when **that** is **inside** , burning and probing, but he’ll get in trouble if he’s not quiet. _

_“You’re so beautiful, Rin,” he says. “You’re my favorite.”_

_Rin only whimpers and hides his face in his hands as it comes and goes and his body wracks with pain and fear and please make it stop someone come save me please make it stop._

Rin wakes up alone in his bunk with a choked sob. He cuts it off with his hand, pressing it hard against his lips, praying that he wasn’t making noise before he managed to wake, praying that Sousuke was still asleep on the top bunk.

He held his breath, listening to the silence. It didn’t seem Sousuke had woken up; all Rin could hear was steady breathing from above him. The bed creaked as the other shifted, falling still a minute later. So the redhead rolled over as well, pressing himself into the wall and hiding his face in his pillows. He forced air into his lungs in slow, steady gasps, and wished he could be buried into Haru instead, inhaling that comforting scent, feeling those slender, strong arms around his body.

He was weak and he knew it. _Pathetic._

With that last self-destructive thought, Rin drifted off to sleep once more.

- 

“Good _god_ , Haru,” Rin groaned out loudly as the dark-haired boy bit just a little harder at his throat. He swallowed hard, feeling teeth and lips and tongue as he did so. Haru was driving him crazy. Rin’s arms were shaking hard, and he didn’t know how much longer he could hold himself up over the other boy. Haru lifted himself up once more and sucked on the other side of his neck, causing Rin to shudder and moan.

How was Haru so good at this?

Rin’s arms were going to give out, he just knew it. He couldn’t keep this up; not when Haru was kissing and sucking and biting so aggressively at his neck and collar bone. The Iwatobi swimmer seemed to sense this, though, because he wrapped his arms around Rin’s neck and successfully dragged him down.

The redhead grunted loudly as he practically collapsed on top of his boyfriend. Haru’s lips were traveling up his neck, up his jawline, and then he was kissing him breathless. Rin panted in the kiss, loving it more and more as it got messier and sloppier.

“Fuck,” Rin gasped out as Haru’s fingers tangled in his hair and tugged gently. How was Haru so incredibly composed? Every once in a while a small gasp escaped those abused lips, but he was so quiet. Why was Rin so vocal? It was a little embarrassing, when he came to think about it. He made so many sounds.

But when he propped himself up on an elbow to look down at those blue eyes, he realized that Haru _wasn’t_ composed. He looked debauched, cheeks flushed a bright red and hair falling across his face. He could barely see any blue in his eyes.

It was too much and he dove back down to Haru’s lips. He sucked at his tongue and bit at his mouth; he knew he was being rough, maybe too rough, but he just couldn’t help it, not with Haruka looking the way he did. And as Rin’s sharp teeth grazed across Haru’s tongue, he finally heard a soft groan break free. A strong chill raced through his body.

Even through their clothes, Rin could feel the feverish heat coming from Haru’s skin. And he wanted to touch it. Without another moment’s thought, he let his hand slide under Haru’s shirt and explored the expanse of perfect skin and muscle there. The other boy arched up into his touch, and Rin felt delicate, talented fingers dance across the bit of skin between the redhead’s shirt and pants.

Rin forced Haru’s shirt up, exposing even more skin. In his haste to touch more of the dark-haired boy’s skin, he accidently popped several buttons off his shirt. Haru didn’t seem to care in the slightest, only responding with an even more feverish kiss.

The heat pooling in his gut was causing Rin to squirm. His erection strained hard against his pants, begging to be freed, and half of his mind was screaming for him to plead for Haru to just _touch him_. He dragged his hips hard against the other boy’s, who let out a soft breathless moan.

“Rin,” Haru breathed out sucking a path to the redhead’s ear. He sucked at the lobe before tugging roughly at it with his teeth. Rin let out a choked moan and couldn’t help how his back arched, body pressing harder into Haru’s. He had never really known that his ears were so damn sensitive.

It was only when Haru’s fingers danced across his stomach and tugged at his belt loops just enough to allow light touches to dip down into Rin’s pants that the redhead let out a choked gasp. The other boy didn’t seem to have noticed, he was pressing his lips against his jawline. “Rin, you’re so beautiful.”

Panic ran through him like he was electrocuted, and his eyes went wide with horror.

" _You’re so beautiful, Rin.” His hands are big, so big and so hot. “You’re my very favorite, you know that right?” No, no, no **no** I can’t I can’t I **can’t**_. His mind went blank as terror flooded through him and he ripped himself from Haruka’s grip. He ended up slamming into the wall in his confusion. His knees pulled up close to his chest and he pressed a hand over his face.

And for several minutes, or maybe it was an hour, or maybe it was just a few seconds, Rin breathed hard into his hand, strong shudders wracking his frame. He tried to blink the whiteness from his vision, tried to relax the tautness in his chest, but he couldn’t. It felt like he was breathing in fire every time he sucked in air, his chest was so damn _tight_.

“Rin,” Haru whispered.

The redhead didn’t look up immediately, but when he did, he peered through his fingers at the young man now sitting up before him. Haru’s shirt was hanging off one shoulder, nearly all the buttons gone. His cheeks were still sufficiently flushed, but now he simply looked scared and concerned.

“I… I…” Rin choked out. He bit at his tongue, hard enough to taste blood, and buried his face back into hands and knees.

“…I…I think we need to talk about this,” Haruka’s voice was evenly spaced, a careful deadpan that didn’t press or prod, that tried its hardest to not be too stern or even too worried. Haru didn’t want to make this worse, and Rin could hear that. The redhead didn’t raise his head.

“Rin,” Haru said.

“I can’t. Haru I can’t. I just can’t, I can’t, I, I,” Rin gasped out, getting more hysterical as he spoke.

Haru cut him off with a soft call of his name. It silenced the babble falling from Rin’s lips. “Just take a deep breathe,” he whispered. Rin did as he was told, trying to take a slow, calm breathe. It came out as a wheeze, haggard and rushed, but the oxygen to his brain made it a little easier to think. He breathed deeply again.

There was no way he could speak about this. He knew that he needed to. He knew that he needed to face this, but he just _couldn’t_.

“How…how about I ask yes or no questions and…and you simply nod or shake your head?” Haru asked carefully. He gripped the blanket nervously and Rin had to close his eyes tightly. After another moment of feverish thinking, in which he decided that he could _more than likely_ handle something as simple as a nod or a shake of his head, he nodded. Haruka let out a soft sigh of relief.

“Did something happen?”

Nod.

“Did it happen after you left our swim club when we were little?” Haru’s voice shook slightly, and Rin wondered if he had any suspicions. He nodded again.

“Did it happen while you were at Samezuka?”

“Did…did it happen in Australia?”

Haru was silent for a very long time after that. Long enough that Rin actually raised his head to look over his knees at the dark haired boy. Finally, Haru spoke up once more.

“Did someone hurt you when you were in Australia?” Rin bit his lip hard before gritting his teeth. He couldn’t meet Haru’s gaze. He just couldn’t. He was barely holding it together as it was, if he caught Haruka’s eye, it was all break apart. “Multiple times?”

At that, Rin let out a choked sob, but nodded all the same. He closed his eyes tightly, feeling tears prickle at the corners of his eyes as he fought the urge to break down, shatter apart right in front of Haru’s gaze. When he finally opened his eyes once more, looking over at his boyfriend, he couldn’t quite make out the expression gracing those perfect features. But he knew, he just _knew_ , that Haru had worked it out. Would he say it? Would someone finally say it?

“Was it…was it…” Haru’s voice broke, and it was obvious to Rin, even in the state he was in, that he couldn’t say it.

So Rin took a deep breath and said it for him. “…rape.”

Several emotions overtook him when he let that word fall from his lips. He both felt incredibly relieved, for finally telling _someone_ , and incredibly panicked, for actually saying it out loud. _Rape. RaPE. **Rape.** He rAPed you. He did. That’s what haPPEned he **raped yOu**. _ His vision spun and for several seconds he thought he was going to pass out then and there, just because of that single word. He couldn’t _breathe_.

He stared at Haru, focusing on his face to stop the world from spinning. He tried to breathe, but his chest was too tight and so instead panted shallowly. Haruka’s expression was blank. But his eyes, his eyes were another story.

A storm was raging inside Haruka, and Rin didn’t know what would happen when he finally let it out. He knew that Haru wouldn’t judge, that he would only be supportive, but it was too much, it was simply _too much_.

Rin scooted away from the wall and pushed himself off the bed, several feet from Haru. “I…I need to go,” he choked out. He didn’t care that his shirt was hanging off his shoulders and that his pants were hanging low on his hips. He didn’t care that he didn’t grab his jacket, and although it wasn’t cold, he knew the night air would still be cool against his feverish skin. He didn’t even stop in the foyer to grab his shoes. He simply ran.

His lungs burned as he stumbled away from Haru’s house, and he still felt faint, but he just couldn’t stand to see Haru looking like that. He just couldn’t stand the feeling of that room, that room that suddenly felt so small and so closed off.

The rough stone of the path ripped at his feet, and he stumbled several times; he couldn’t see much of what was going on around his feet, and anyway, he wasn’t paying any attention. And then his foot hit an uneven part of the path, and he fell forward with a startled yell, pain shooting up from his foot.

He expected to fall against the hard stone steps of the path. He expected to find himself lying in the dirt, bleeding and bruised. But he didn’t. Instead, he fell into someone, who yelped a startled “whoa!” as he practically cannonballed into them.

“Sorry, sorry,” he said, forcing himself straight once more, onto his own feet. Whoever he had run into was larger than he, and thankfully hadn’t been knocked over. A gentle hand caught Rin’s shoulder to stop him from falling. He vaguely noticed that his foot hurt. A lot. But when he looked up at the face of the person he had run into, he forgot completely about that pain. Because instead, another wave of panic crashed over him. All the blood drained from his cheeks.

“Rin?!”

It was Makoto. Dressed in a light jacket and shorts, his kind eyes were wide in shock as he stared at the redhead. As if the night couldn’t get worse… he had run into Haru’s best friend.

“Ah,” Rin said, forcing calm into his voice. The cool air was helping a little bit, it still hurt but it still helped a little, cooling the fire in his lungs. “Yo, Makoto.” He carefully disentangled himself from the brunet, brushing off the hand still on his arm, that Makoto seemed to have simply forgotten was there. And before he could stop himself, he asked, “What are you doing here?” at the exact same time Makoto asked the same thing. They stared at each other for a long minute, then the taller boy let out a soft chuckle.

He stopped laughing once he saw the look in Rin’s eyes. “Rin?” he asked.

“Oh, I was just, uh, hanging out with Haru,” the redhead forced out. No point in lying, Makoto would figure out he was up at the Nanase residence. It wasn’t that hard to piece together, after all. He watched the brunet glance around.

“It’s midnight,” Makoto said, cocking his head to the side. He glanced down for a moment, as if in thought, then did a swift double take. “Why are you not wearing shoes?! You’re going to hurt yourself!”

“Thanks, mother hen,” Rin said, brushing him off. He took another step down the walkway, ignoring the painful throbbing coming from his left foot. “I’m fine. I just forgot them.”

Makoto stared at him. “Then why don’t you go get them? Haru never locks the door…”

Rin gritted his teeth and looked away. How could he get away from Makoto? His mind raced, looking for a distraction. Any distraction. “What are _you_ doing out here at midnight? Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

Makoto shuffled awkwardly then shrugged. “Needed some fresh air,” he said. “Couldn’t sleep, decided to go for a walk.”

“And how often does that happen?” Rin asked. Makoto simply shrugged. “Che… Well, it’s your life, Makoto.” He started to walk past his friend, down through the houses and towards the ocean, and to his dismay Makoto fell into step beside him. He sighed loudly, resigning himself. He just hoped that Makoto wouldn’t want to _talk_. He doubted he’d get so lucky.

The normality of this all allowed him to relax, however. Absentmindedly he fixed his shirt, buttoning it back up and straightening it on his shoulders. He had the sneaking suspicion that his friend was watching him carefully. So instead of looking at him he simply stuffed his hands into his pockets and looked ahead. His feet were cold and the stone was rough, but it didn’t really hurt anymore. He had gotten used to it. Or they had gone numb. He wasn’t sure which.

At a loss of what else to do, he walked beside Makoto down the path that butted up against the beach before opening his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. “Why couldn’t you sleep?” He felt like such a fish out of water right now. Forcing himself into some sort of normal conversation after having such a bad panic attack left him winded and a little dizzy.

Makoto let out a soft chuckle, but it wasn’t heartfelt. The brunet seemed to be dealing with his own problems, it seemed. Rin doubted they were as bad as his. But then again… you weren’t supposed to compare, right? Rin glanced over at the young man beside him and saw him shrug and look up at the sky.

“Some nights I just can’t,” he hummed. “It happens. Doesn’t it ever happen to you?” He turned to face the redhead. The young man was silent but after a moment he nodded. He knew exactly how it was to not be able to sleep. Usually he couldn’t sleep because he didn’t _want_ to sleep, because he was _scared_ to sleep. Scared of the nightmares. Maybe Makoto still had nightmares about the ocean.

Rin stopped walking and slumped down onto a bench that faced the sea. Makoto sat down beside him without comment. He seemed to be giving him some space, a yards worth of space, and for that Rin was grateful.

“You wanna talk about what happened?” Makoto asked after a moment.

Rin spun around quickly, sharp enough that it hurt his neck. The brunet wasn’t looking at him, instead gazing at the sea with an unreadable look in his eyes. “What makes you think anything happened?” he choked out. He took a deep breath and turned to look at the ocean as well.

Makoto let out a small huffed laugh. “Rin, I’ve known you long enough to know something happened,” he said kindly. “Plus, you’re not wearing shoes. So…” he paused, taking a deep breathe, then continued, “…do you want to talk about it?”

The redhead closed his eyes tightly, listening to the gentle waves coming and going against the shore. Even just being near the water was calming him down. The rush of the waves lapping at the sand reminding him of his element, of Haru’s element. He couldn’t stop the soft snort from escaping him as he thought that, because good god he was turning into Haruka. But a moment later, his breathe caught in his throat as his mind wandered back to his boyfriend.

“Don’t know,” Rin finally said, because he knew that Makoto would keep pushing until he said something. He truthfully didn’t know if he wanted to talk about it. He didn’t think he could go over it so soon, but he might be able to talk about things in a vague sort of sense. Makoto didn’t need specifics, right? It would still help, right? Or would it still make everything worse? He just didn’t know. And even if he _did_ decide to talk, where would he even start? _Oh, by the way Makoto, I’ve been dating your best friend for six months and enjoy sticking my tongue down his throat_ really didn’t seem like it would end up well. He sighed heavily.

“Did you get into a fight with Haru?” the brunet hummed. Rin didn’t open his eyes, but he was sure Makoto was looking at him now.

“Not… not really,” Rin said slowly. He propped his arms against the back of the bench and let his head fall back, opening his eyes. His vision was filled with stars, and he liked it. “I wouldn’t say a, a fight.”

Makoto hm’d. “That’s not very helpful, Rin,” he murmured. “Although I’m glad it wasn’t a fight… I’d be even more concerned if it were.”

Why was Makoto so damn _caring_? It pissed Rin off.

“Not a fight, no,” Rin said again.

“Lovers quarrel?”

Rin’s arm slid off the bench and he just caught himself before he slammed the side of his head against the wood. He pushed himself straight again and spun to face Makoto. The swimmer was just smiling gently to him.

“What did you just?” Rin stuttered out, blinking rapidly.

“I know that you and Haru are a,” Makoto stopped speaking for a moment, but only, it seemed, to find an appropriate word, “a thing.” He turned back to the ocean. He was still smiling but it was a sad sort of smile and Rin had to look away.

“Did Haru tell you?” Rin was shaking gently now. Well, at least Makoto wasn’t yelling, and he didn’t look disgusted or all that uncomfortable for that matter. So far it wasn’t a disaster.

“You know Haruka enough to know he’d never tell me something like that,” he said softly. “But he didn’t need to, I figured it out.” Rin mulled this over, mouth opening and closing dazedly. Makoto turned to look at him once more.

“You don’t hate us?” the redhead whispered and he hated the way his voice was so weak, how it cracked when he said the word ‘hate’.

Makoto’s eyes widened in shock and he spluttered some before he was able to make his mouth work. In any other situation, Rin would think it cute. “Of course I don’t,” he yelped. “Rin, neither you nor Haru would do anything to make me hate you. I was just surprised… well, okay, no I wasn’t. But I don’t hate you because the two of you are together. You’re my best friends; what sort of a friend would I be if I decided to cut ties with you, just because I know you’re together?” Makoto’s eyes were wide and honest, and Rin relaxed. He couldn’t help but believe him.

Rin let out a soft huff and settled back onto the bench. “Hasn’t stopped a lot of people,” he groused.

“I’m not a lot of people,” Makoto commented. This caused Rin to burst out laughing, because it was one of the un-Makoto-ish things he had ever heard the tall swimmer say. Makoto looked rather flustered and even in the light of the moon, Rin could see the dark blush decorating his cheeks.

It felt good to laugh.

The panic attack felt far off now, from his place on the bench beside Makoto, even if it had only been at most half an hour since it happened. As he thought about it, a twinge of guilt came over him. He had simply run out on Haruka. Run away. With no explanation of why or where he was going.

“It wasn’t a lover’s quarrel,” Rin said softly and rubbed his arm in an absent manner.

“It was obviously something though,” Makoto replied.

Rin glared at him. Makoto was always right, why was he always right? “Well it was obviously something,” he snapped, then felt bad immediately. He knew Makoto just wanted to help but it was hard to accept help. He had already had trouble with that. “…Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Makoto murmured soothingly.

Rin was quiet for several long minutes. The Iwatobi swimmer didn’t speak and for second the redhead forgot he was even there. Then he opened his mouth and said, “Something happened a long time ago and, and something tonight, I don’t know, _triggered_ it and I just…” he drifted off, unable to continue.

Sending a sidelong glance to his companion, he saw Makoto look at him with sad, understanding eyes.

Rin looked away quickly and propped his elbows on his knees. “I panicked, and I ran away. I didn’t even… I know Haru was trying to help, but I just. And he just looked at me, and you should’ve seen his eyes. He was…I don’t know what he was but he was…” The redhead floundered as he tried to speak coherently. But he didn’t seem to have to. Makoto was nodding slowly next to him.

“Rin,” he said, and his voice was serious. “You… you can’t help it if something, well, makes you panic. Triggers are called triggers for a reason.” Something about how he said it told Rin he had had to deal with it. Was it that night when the Iwatobi Swim Club had been practicing in the ocean?

“But Haru was there for me, when it happened, and I’m sure that he’ll be there for you, if you let him,” Makoto continued. Rin put his face in his hands and breathed deeply. “It’s hard. I know it’s hard. But it’s _Haru_.”

“Stop making sense,” Rin grumbled through his fingers, staring at his bare, rather bruised feet.

Makoto let out a soft huff. “I’m here to help,” he said. “I can’t see him – Haru?”

The redhead tensed and sat up quickly at the exclamation. Oh no, oooh no. Sure enough, Haruka was standing several feet away, gazing at the pair of them with mild surprise. “Makoto?” he asked softly and padded up to them. Rin averted his gaze, staring down at his feet once more. Haru had, at least, changed shirts, since the other one no longer had most of its buttons.

“Hey Haru,” Makoto said with a wide smile, eyes crinkling at the corners.

“What’re you doing with Rin?”

Was that jealousy in Haruka’s voice? He couldn’t quite tell, but something seemed a little off with the way he spoke. It might have been hurt if it was coming from someone else.

The brunet simply chuckled. “He ran into me. Literally… then we started talking.”

Rin could feel Haru’s eyes on him, but he didn’t look up, he simply couldn’t. Instead he studied his feet and the way his toes were covered in dirt and something that looked like it could’ve been blood. The big toe on his left foot was swollen and a bit purple. He’d be feeling that for at least a couple days, if not longer. That was the damage caused by tripping in his downward pelt away from Haru’s house.

“About what?”

“Just things,” Makoto said with a small shrug. “You. Him. Past events.”

Rin couldn’t help himself; he lifted his head just a little so that he could peek out at Haru through his hair. The freestyle swimmer was standing there with his eyes wide. He seemed to regain himself after a moment and brushed hair from his face with a flick of his head.

“Okay.”

“You should probably take Rin back to your house. He forgot his shoes,” Makoto spoke in a light, conversational tone, as if nothing was wrong in the slightest and Rin _had_ simply left the house without them somehow. Haru nodded, gazing at his best friend for a few very long minutes before turning to the redhead. Rin slowly sat up and looked at his boyfriend.

“Come on, Rin. Your feet are really dirty,” Haru said softly and extended his hand. Rin took it after a moment’s pause and let the dark-haired boy pull him to his aching feet. His hand was warm and dry and the redhead couldn’t help but tangle his fingers with Haru, clinging to that comfort.

“Night, Makoto,” Rin said.

“Goodnight, you two,” the brunet hummed. He made no motion to get up from the bench, and when the redhead glanced over his shoulder as they turned off the main walkway, Makoto was still sitting there staring at the stars.

Haru kept ahold of the shark-toothed boy’s hand all the way up to the house.

“What’s wrong with Makoto?” Rin asked. He just couldn’t help himself. And anything to not think of him own problems. He’d rather focus on someone else’s.

“He’ll be okay,” the dark-haired boy said simply, leading him into the house. He was still clutching at his hand. It was only then, as Haru kicked his shoes off in the foyer, that Rin realized his boyfriend’s hand was trembling. He had been too absorbed in clinging to it and the warmth that came with it to notice. How could he not have noticed?

Maroon eyes met deep blue and they gazed at each other for a very long time. The only light to illuminate the space was the moon filtering in through the window down the hall, and it cast Haru’s face into deep shadows. He watched those perfect lips flutter, as if the Iwatobi swimmer wanted to speak but couldn’t get quite the right words.

“I…” Haru said. “I’m sorry.”

Rin’s eyes widened in shock. “Why are _you_ apologizing?” he asked. What was he even doing? Why was he apologizing, when Rin was the one who had caused the problems? Why? _Why?_

Haru looked at their feet for a long moment, then raised his head and gave Rin a piercing look. “I pushed you to panic. I couldn’t help you, I don’t even know how to help you now. I…I’ve failed you. As a f-friend, as a boyfriend. As s-someone who loves you so…so much.”

Rin’s chest tightened at those words. Love. _Love love **love**_. Nanase Haruka _loved_ him. And he thought that he had _failed_ him.

“N-no!” Rin choked out and tripped forward, grabbing at the front of Haru’s shirt. “You didn’t fail me, you could never fail me, don’t _think like that_!” His hands were shaking as he gripped the collar of the cotton shirt. He stared into the bright, ocean-beautiful blue eyes. He felt tears pricking at his own, and he knew, just knew, that they would overflow. “Haru you… you…Don’t say things like that. Y-you’re my…my strength. Don’t say things like that.”

Haru raised his hands and took hold of Rin’s arms.

“Please. Don’t say that.”

“R-Rin,” Haru said weakly, and Rin couldn’t take it anymore, he just couldn’t take it, and so he pressed his lips hard against his boyfriend’s in a desperate kiss. Maybe he could make sense of things through actions. He was better at that than with words.

The dark-haired swimmer let out a gasp. He didn’t react for a moment, unsure or stunned or scared, Rin couldn’t tell. Maybe he thought that a kiss would be too much after all that happened. Then he pulled him closer and kissed back.

Haru broke the kiss too soon for Rin’s liking. He wanted to stay pressed close and feel the warmth of his body creeping in through his clothes; he wanted to feel the touch of his lips against his, and hands on his skin. He shocked himself with these desires, but Haru seemed to be having none of that, because he was looking at him with sharp, concerned eyes.

"We need to clean your feet,” he said. Rin stared at him dumbly. He had forgotten momentarily the ache in his feet or the way they were covered in dirt. But as the other mentioned it, it all came back and he winced and nodded. Haru took his hand once more and led him upstairs to the bathroom to get him cleaned up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to wait longer, since it was the last chapter... But I couldn't. So here it is.  
> This chapter is... mainly porn, to be completely honest.

Both Aiichiro and Momotarou asked what had happened to his foot at Monday's practice. His big toe was purple and swollen, but he was still able to swim, so he simply brushed it off. He had stubbed his toe, hard, obviously, it was not a big deal.

He caught Sousuke watching him, his eyes unreadable, and he wondered if there was worry in that teal gaze.

 

****

 

A month and Rin wanted to try again.

He had been fighting the urge for days, weeks maybe. He wanted to touch Haruka. Kiss him. Feel him. He was nervous, yes, and a little bit scared even, but he  _wanted_ it. He  _needed_ it. He needed to try again. He needed to conquer this fear that had plagued him since he was twelve years old.

Haru hadn't brought it up, hadn't tried anything besides caressing his back and stomach during the more heated make-out sessions. Tangled together on Haru's bed or Haru's couch or in the Samezuka locker room, or…anywhere really, they would press close and their mouths fit so perfectly together. It lit a fire inside Rin and he wanted to quench it, satisfy it. But he was sure Haru was scared. Scared of triggering him again. And maybe scared of going further too… He had had time to think about it now, and Rin knew for a fact that Haru had never had sex before. It was a big step.

They had been close, last week. Close to getting into it. They had been in the showers at the Samezuka natatorium, and Rin had been hard,  _so fucking hard_ , and he had been so close to ripping off his legskins and Haru's jammers, and was in the process of pulling one hip down, when Makoto had come in. He had forgotten something in the lockers and was wondering when Haru would follow.

_At least it was Makoto_ , Rin had thought. But the interruption and the brilliantly red backstroke swimmer had ruined the mood, and Haru had felt the need to follow his best friend out of the locker rooms to see if he would be okay. So nothing had happened, except for Rin being frustrated and uncomfortable. He forced himself to take a cold shower until his hard-on had calmed down enough to be able to walk back to his dorm room, because he didn't feel like having Sousuke stare at his obvious erection in curiosity. Because he knew he would. He'd probably piece together that something was happening between he and Haru too, and he wasn't sure he was ready for that.

But that was last week, and the blood was hot in Rin's veins, and he had daydreamed multiple times of how it would, how it could, play out, jerking off by himself while Sousuke was gone or while he was in the shower. He hadn't told Haru yet. What would he say? What would he think?

It seemed, though, that taking care of himself was only going to take him so far, because he had reached the point where he wasn't satisfied even after he had finished. And even though he ended up jerking off  _again_ , he felt like something was missing. And he knew what was missing. Haru was missing. And so he had gotten rather jumpy around his boyfriend, and quite a lot of people had noticed.

Whenever Haru glanced his way during the joint practice Thursday evening, he would flush lightly and turn away. If he could, he would dive into the pool to get away from him and those piercing blue eyes, so that he wouldn't get a hard-on then and there. Because  _that_  would be hard to hide while wearing just his legskins.

Aiichiro asked if he felt okay and if he was getting sick. Momo popped up beside him one of the times he had turned away from Haru, causing Rin to jump and nearly bowl the younger Mikoshiba over and into the pool. Sousuke kept giving him curious looks from where he watched by the sidelines. And Nagisa just  _knew_  something was up, but he couldn't put his finger on it, it seemed. Rin had heard him bothering Haru about it. But Haru being Haru simply brushed it off and turned away, leaving the blond pouting disappointedly. Makoto was the worst. He seemed to know what was up with Rin and he kept looking between the two.

Near the end of the joint practice, Makoto came up to him. He stood beside him, relaxed, watching Rei swim a lap. "You should do  _something_  about it," he hummed without looking at him. "You can't even look at Haru, people are gonna notice."

Rin flushed and cleared his throat. "I don't know what you're talking about," he mumbled.

Makoto glanced at him and smiled. "Of course not," he said happily. Then he turned his attention to his teammates, calling the end of  _their_  practice. The redhead followed suite, getting his team's attention. After updating on their status and the upcoming events, he dismissed them to go.

"Rin."

Maroon eyes widened and he jumped violently before spinning around. He took one step back, because Haru was a little too close for how on edge he was, and he could still see water droplets clinging to his eyelashes, and how his lips curved ever so slightly, and the barely discernable hickey he had accidently left on his neck beside his ear.  _Too much too much, too close!_

The redhead flushed and he was glad that most everyone was already back in the locker rooms. Sousuke had yet to leave and had caught the look that was plastered across Rin's face, but the Samezuka captain ignored him. "Haru don't do that," he said.

He could smell him. The scent of chlorine clinging to Haruka's skin, and the underlying, he had no other word for it, musk that was just the swimmer. It made his head spin and he prayed that he wouldn't get too turned on.

"Rin, you're avoiding me," Haru mumbled, and he could see that the boy was pouting.  _That is_ _ **not**_ _fair. Haru you don't play fair._  He didn't even know if Haru knew what he was doing. "Why?"

"I'm not ignoring you," Rin said.

Haru stepped a little closer. They were alone in the natatorium now; everyone else had gone into the locker rooms to get washed off and dressed. Rin felt the freestyle swimmer's breathe ghost across his cheeks. His eyes were so beautiful. "Something's wrong," he murmured.

"Nothing's wrong," Rin said. He felt breathless. His chest was a bit tight, but in a good way. If he could be anxious in a good way.

"You're lying to me," he replied. He was even closer now and the redhead sucked in a quick breathe, eyes wide. He felt frozen. He couldn't move, and now he could feel Haru's body heat. And then the dark-haired boy was kissing him, hard and deep and passionate.

Teeth tugged at his lip and he let out a shaky gasp. His hands snaked around Haru's hips and he pulled him closer. There were hands on his face, pulling him in, deepening the kiss. When Haru dragged his hips against Rin's, the redhead let out a low groan.

"H-Haru," the shark-toothed boy moaned out, breaking the kiss.

"Yes?" Haru murmured, pressing kisses against his jawline and cheeks and neck.

"I want…I want…" he gasped as he felt teeth against his neck. "I want to try again." God Haru was much too good at this for his own good, especially since he had never actually had sex.  _How can he turn me on so easily?_

Haru pulled away just enough to look at him, and Rin saw a wide blue gaze staring back at him. The redhead flushed brightly and looked away, worrying his lip.

"You want to…to try _try_?" Haru asked, as if he weren't quite sure if he knew what he was talking about, but had an inkling. "You wanna try again?"

Rin simply nodded, staring at the pool with a forced concentration. His teeth were still tugging at his lip and it kind of hurt, but then a finger reached up to his mouth and pulled his lip gently away from those shark-teeth. Maroon eyes flickered back to the boy before him, mouth now slack. Haru's thumb was on his lip. If he wanted to, he could pull it into his mouth, suck it. Just the thought of that sent a small chill down his spine. But a moment later, Haru pulled his thumb away, only to replace it with his pointer and middle finger.

The black-haired swimmer traced the Samezuka captain's lips, feather-light, and Rin's eyes fluttered closed as he let out a shuddering breathe. Taking advantage of his slack mouth, Haru slowly pushed his fingers past his lips and into his mouth. Rin let out a soft whimpering groan and reached up, taking ahold of Haruka's wrist.

He didn't pull him away, instead sucking those digits deep into his mouth. He let his tongue caress each one, sucking gently at them, grazing his teeth across the skin. After a moment he pulled them away and licked his way up them, finally opening his eyes.

Haru was staring at him, mouth hanging open in a dazed sort of way and his pupils were blown, with only the slightest sliver of blue around the edge. He took the swimmer's fingers back into his mouth as he held his hand gently, and glanced down towards his boyfriend's groin.

What he saw pleased him. Haru's very erect cock was straining against his jammers; the skintight material outlined his member perfectly.

"Rin, s-stop," Haru breathed out, pulling his hand away from the boy. Rin blinked several times, watching as the other glanced away, obviously embarrassed. It dawned on him that Haru might've found that  _just a little too arousing_ , because he was fidgeting where he stood, rubbing his arm awkwardly and biting at his lip.

Again the redhead glanced downward. For a moment he mulled everything over. He could do this, he could do this… couldn't he? It was a good first step… wasn't it? And it was Haru. He  _knew_  that if something went wrong, if it turned out to be too much, Haru wouldn't hold it against him.

So he kissed him chastely and sank to his knees before the Iwatobi swimmer.

"Rin, what—" Haru broke off as Rin nuzzled into his groin, mouthing teasingly against his erect cock. "Rin, what're you—we're at—your—school, someone might—might see!"

But Rin didn't care. He was so past the point of caring, that he took no time to hook his fingers on Haru's jammers and tugged them down. He kissed the dark-haired boy's skin as he worked the still wet swimsuit down his hips and over his cock. He focused on Haru's stomach and hips, nipping and kissing sloppily at the skin there. He tasted like chlorine.

Above him Haru had let out a soft whimper, a hand finding his maroon locks. A moment later, Rin pulled back and looked at the swimmer's cock for the first time.

A shudder of nerves, panic and excitement went through Rin. He had to remind himself that this was Haru,  _Haru Haru Haru_ , that he wanted,  _wanted wanted wanted,_ to do this, that no one was making him do this.

Throwing caution and his fear to the wind, he slid his hand down Haru's hip and gripped the base of his dick. Haru's breathe caught in his throat. Then he slowly leaned forward and took the tip of him into his mouth, closing his eyes as he did so.

Haru let out a sound that Rin had never heard him make but knew he needed to hear again as his lips enveloped his cock; the fingers buried in his hair tightened.

Rin breathed deeply through his nose to steady himself, and, keeping his eyes firmly closed, he let himself take more of Haru into his mouth. Haru made that noise again, the noise that turned Rin on so much he didn't even know how it was possible. It was a guttural sort of noise, from the back of his throat, escaped past clenched teeth, and it was simply  _beautiful_.

His heart beat wildly in his chest, and panic bubbled up inside him, but it was bearable, and he gripped the boy's hip with a hand and bobbed his head gently, occasionally giving his cock a soft suck. He could feel Haruka trembling and slid his hands around those muscular thighs, pulling him closer. It gave him strength to know that Haru was scared too, that he wasn't alone.

Haru's legs continued to tremble as the redhead, minding his sharp teeth very carefully, worked his cock. He flattened his tongue against the underside of the dick filling his mouth, and drew out a wonderfully high pitched moan from Haru.

"R-Rin. Riiin," Haru repeated, voice hitching.

The redhead swallowed him in farther, pushing past his gag reflect until his nose pressed against smooth, shaved skin. The dark-haired swimmer was shaking hard now and he doubled over, over Rin, and was struggling to breathe properly.

Rin pulled back, panting hard, and kissed at his hip as he stroked trembling thighs with gentle fingers. In an effort to help calm both Haru and himself down, he pressed his forehead against the hip before him and rubbed small circles into the tense muscles of the darker haired swimmer's thighs, breathing deeply and slowly.

"D-don't stop," Haru whispered in his ear, stroking maroon hair back from his face. "P-please don't stop."

There was no way in hell he could say no to that, even if he was shaking ever so slightly and his breathe was coming out in ragged pants. So he sank forward and swallowed him in in one smooth motion. He could taste precum, the salty bitterness touching his tongue and the back of his throat as he started to suck hard.

The trembling of Haru's body was even more pronounced, and it seemed that the only thing holding him up was Rin clutching at his thighs. He swallowed thickly, very aware of the saliva trailing down his lips and chin, but he couldn't really clean it up, not when his mouth was so completely filled.

"Rin," Haru gasped out again, and this time his hips jerked forward just a little bit, forcing his cock more fully into his mouth. The redhead jerked back at the motion, a small wave of panic hitting him at the sudden lack of oxygen. He looked up, lips parted and swollen, saliva connecting them to Haru's heavy erection, and met the ocean-blue eyes looking down at him. "Sorry."

Rin shook his head minutely, taking comfort in the caress of Haru's fingers in his hair, and shifted forward once more. He knew that the freestyle swimmer was close, so close, by the way his thighs jumped against his fingers when he took him back into his mouth.

Or maybe it was the way Haru's breathing had become ragged and high pitched, soft moans escaping his lips every now and then.

"Rin. Rin.  _Rin_!"

The redhead pulled back, letting Haru's erection fall from his lips with a soft  _pop_  right as he came. Haru's whole body tensed and the grip he had on Rin's hair was painful, but Rin endured it. He endured the way Haruka's seed hit his lips and face and tongue. Rin would've endured quite a lot, just to hear Haru make that noise  _one more time_.

It had been a choked noise, a soft scream even, filled with ecstasy and Rin's name. It rocked Rin to his core and he let out a soft moan of his own as he shuddered.

Haru's legs didn't seem to be able to hold up much longer. He swayed then collapsed before Rin, catching himself on his hands. He panted hard, eyes closed and hair falling in front of his face, cheeks flushed.

The redhead stared, ignoring the way Haru's cum dripped from his lips onto the floor of the natatorium, or the way his knees ached from having not moved for too long. Instead, he memorized the look that was plastered across Haru's face. He wanted to remember that forever, because it was one of the most beautiful sights he had ever seen.

His cheeks were red and he looked so flustered, so un-Haru-ish. Rin reached forward and gripped his face, raising it so that he could look into those beautiful eyes. He leaned closer and kissed him gently. Haru took a moment to respond, but then he was licking his own cum off of Rin's lips and licking into his mouth, causing Rin to moan softly.

-

Rin wasn't totally sure how they had gotten back to Haru's house. It was all sort of a blur. They had spent a long while sitting on the floor of the natatorium kissing, touching, caressing. And then somehow they had made it to the locker rooms (thankfully empty). All the while, the redhead was still achingly hard, but he said nothing as they tugged their clothes on.

It was only when Haru had looked at him, lips quirking up slightly, that he realized that the freestyle swimmer did not intend to leave him suffering.

The train ride to the Nanase residence was interesting, but it was late and barely anyone was on the train, and so Haru tangled their fingers together between their legs on the seat and gazed through the opposite window. Every so often he would glance over at his boyfriend and smile and move his leg so it knocked up against Rin's. And Rin, who's erection had finally calmed down somewhat, enough that he could sit properly at the very least, would blush slightly and grumble and look away, but would squeeze Haru's hand back in response.

They had practically fallen through the door, tripping over each other's feet and their shoes in the rush to kick them off in the foyer. Their bags lay forgotten in the hallway as they went upstairs to Haru's room.

The door slammed closed as they fell against it, kissing hard and deep. Haru pulled Rin closer, arching his body up against the redhead. And already, Rin could feel the heat starting to gather in his groin, and before he even knew it, he was rocking his erection against Haru's clothed hip roughly, letting out soft pants and gasps.

Haru was the one to break the kisses. He pushed Rin away gently before turning to the bed, pulling the redhead with him until they were tangled together once more, crumpling the sheets and blankets and knocking the pillows to the floor.

Rin's heart was pounding hard in his chest as he surfaced for air, raising himself up just enough to look down at the dark-haired young man under him. Haru met his gaze and his lips curved into a gentle smile before leaning up to place a chaste kiss against his lips.

"Are you sure?" he murmured as he ran his fingers through maroon locks.

Rin swallowed hard, but nodded all the same and let himself down against Haru. He nuzzled into the swimmer's neck, breathing deeply. "I want to," he breathed against his skin, and felt Haru arch slightly so that he could hear him better. "I-I'm…"

"I know," he replied quietly. His fingers hadn't stopped moving. "It's okay."

Rin swallowed again and closed his eyes. He felt Haru's hands wander down his sides and grab his shirt, before slowly tugging it up his body. The redhead lifted himself up then sat back onto his heels, straddling Haru, to pull it off the rest of the way. It was tossed to the side where it lay forgotten on the ground by the bedside table.

The redhead turned his attention back to Haru, and stripped him of his shirt as well.

He had seen Haru shirtless plenty of times. Most of the time they spent together they were shirtless. But this felt so much different. Maybe it was because of the fire deep inside Rin and the way his cock ached between his legs, but it was just that much more arousing to look at him half dressed.

The Iwatobi swimmer had started to explore Rin's chest with his hands, caressing the smooth muscles until he let his fingers brush his nipples. He then leaned up and latched onto one sensitive bud with his lips, pressing his tongue against it before sucking gently. The redhead let out a soft moan, bowing his head at the sensation it caused. He could barely hold back the shudder that racked his frame.

Both he and Haru's pants were more than in the way, and Rin fumbled one handed with his lover's belt, finally getting it undone enough to tug at the button and zipper as the other, propped up on one hand, kissed his way to his other nipple and rolled it between his teeth. It was very distracting, and his breathe was coming out in short panting moans.

Haru, master of getting clothes off in less than two seconds, had already undone Rin's belt and was tugging his pants and boxers down past his hips. A soft chill went through him as the cool air hit his ass and the back of his thighs and he paused.

Haru stilled his hands, falling back onto the bed and looked up at him. He stroked his hip gently. "You sure?" he asked again. Rin took a steadying breathe, then nodded and leaned down to capture the swimmer's already kiss-bruised lips. Haru lifted up his hips so that Rin could tug his pants down to his knees.

There was a moment of fumbling while the two tried to get out of their pants fully. Haru had an easy time doing so, but in the process he knocked against Rin and caused him to fall on top of him. He let out a soft 'oof' as the wind was knocked out of him, causing the redhead to let out a short laugh. He started to laugh harder, verging on hysterical, when he couldn't untangle his legs from his pants. Haru, who wasn't laughing quite as hard as Rin, aided him in the harder-than-usual task of undressing, until they were both naked.

Rin collapsed onto his side, breathless, and turned his attention to the naked boy beside him. Haru's eyes were alight with laughter, even if he seemed calm enough, and he leaned close to press his lips against the redhead's.

The kiss was slow and sweet, and when Rin broke it Haru had that  _look_  on his face again. He worried his lip until the other swimmer cupped his cheek, brushing hair from his face. "We don't have to," he breathed.

Rin could tell that he wanted to, that Haruka  _really_  wanted to. And he knew that he, himself, wanted to, that he  _needed_  to. So instead of answering him, he leaned forward and kissed him again. He slowly rolled so that he was once again over the dark-haired boy and let his hand drift down his smooth skin.

"Can… you…?" the redhead blurted out, although he wasn't quite sure what he was planning on asking.  _Can you kiss me? Can you touch me? Can you be the bottom? Can I fuck you?_  He clamped his mouth shut awkwardly and stared down at the boy under him.

"Yes," Haru said.

"You don't even know what I was going to ask!" Rin spluttered.

Haru simply shrugged. "It doesn't matter. You can. Whatever it is. You can."

The Samezuka swimmer flushed at the implications of this simple statement and his heart beat crazily in his chest. To know that Haru trusted him that much, that he would agree to something without even knowing what he was agreeing to, made his heart swell and for a moment he was a little overwhelmed.

Instead of trying to speak he simply nodded. Haru wiggled around and started digging in the drawer closest to the bed, Rin blinking in confusion. A moment later he understood, when the Iwatobi swimmer pushed a small bottle into his hand. Haru couldn't quite meet his eye and he was blushing, but he had still been able to get the lube without too much fuss.

Rin took it wordlessly and dropped it onto the bed beside Haru's naked hip. He was a little numb right now, because  _this is really happening_ , and for a long moment he simply stared. And then Haruka lifted his leg and hooked it onto Rin's hip, and the redhead could just tell that he was getting a little impatient.

"Rin," he said huskily. "Touch me."

He couldn't help but smile at the straightforwardness that was the essence of Nanase Haruka. He nodded then let out a soft gasp when fingers slowly danced across his own aching cock. He bit his lip as the dark-haired boy wrapped his hand around it and pumped it gently. His palm was dry and it made Rin shudder. "Fuck," he breathed and fumbled with the lube cap. He finally got it open.

It came out a lot faster than he had been expecting, coating his entire hand instead of just a couple fingers. He flushed, embarrassed, but Haru didn't comment. Instead he simply slid his own fingers through the lube and went back to stroking Rin's cock. It was much easier with the aid of lube, now, and Rin groaned.

The redhead let his hand slide down across Haru's hip and thigh and past Haru's balls. The dark-haired swimmer lifted his hips and kept his leg braced against Rin's own, allowing a little easier access. Rin could feel him trembling under his fingers.

"Rin, I'm fine," Haru said, scowling, when he noticed that the redhead was hesitant. " _Touch me_."

"Okay," the redhead said. He slowly pressed a slick finger against Haru's hole, then pushed in past the ring of muscles. Rin flushed lightly, feeling his skin heat up even more.

Haru's face didn't contort into pain, like Rin had expected. He was frowning, but not much else. He hadn't tensed, he hadn't whimpered. He just seemed puzzled, a little uncomfortable, but that was all. So the redhead took that as a go and pressed his finger deeper. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Haruka, and so he would make sure that he would prepare him properly.

The dark-haired swimmer rotated his hips gently, as if testing the waters and the discomfort slowly faded his face. Soon enough he had tugged Rin down for another kiss, biting at his lips in a request for more. The redhead complied, gently pressing another digit inside the hot tightness.

It was strange. Even for Rin, it was strange. Every so often, Haru's fingers would twitch against his arm or leg, but he would relax a second later. It took a surprisingly short amount of time for Haru to let out the first soft moan, eyes closed, rutting against Rin's hand.

"Can I?" Rin asked as he pulled his fingers free and gripped at his lover's thigh, as if to stabilize himself.

"Yes," Haru breathed. His cheeks were flushed, and a small line of saliva had trickled down his chin.

Rin shuddered. His heart pounded hard and for a moment his chest tightened with nerves and panic. What if he hurt Haru? What if he hurt Haru like he had been hurt? He would never be able to forgive himself. But the dark-haired swimmer didn't let him dwell on his thoughts too long, because he hooked his feet around Rin's hips and pulled him close, heels digging into Rin's back hard. The hand on Haru's thigh slipped and he moved it to the bed unsteadily.

"O-okay," Rin said and, gripping the base of his cock with trembling fingers and pushed in.

He kept his eyes focused on Haru's face as he pressed into the tight heat. It felt so good, so  _so_  good he couldn't quite understand how it felt so good but it did and he wanted to close his eyes, but he didn't look away, because he would stop immediately if Haru asked, if Haru was in pain.

The Iwatobi swimmer let out a soft gasp and a strong shudder went through his body. For a moment, his thighs tensed around Rin's hips, and he could feel the feet against his back press harder.

"Are y-you okay?" Rin gasped out, arm trembling with the effort to stay still and hold himself up.

"Yes," Haru said after a long moment of gulping down air. "Good. Move."

Rin shivered and slowly started to move. His thrusts were shallow and he didn't go too deep, much too nervous to let go and relax completely. He knew it would feel better, even better than it already did, if he could just  _relax_. But he couldn't, not when he was so scared to hurt Haruka.

Haru's arms slid up around the redhead's neck and pulled him down against him. He was breathless, and he mouthed messily against Rin's skin, but he didn't seem like he was hurting. His lips trained up to the redhead's ear. "Rin." His voice was rough, thick with need, and then he felt teeth tugging softly at his earlobe and he let out a soft whimper, closing his eyes.

Desire pulsed through his body and he snapped his hips forward with a little more force. A soft, choked cry broke free of Haru's lips. He muffled it with a bite to Rin's shoulder, and the redhead's breathe hitched as he felt Haruka's teeth against his skin. It felt good,  _too_  good, and if Haru kept that up, he wouldn't last more than a few minutes. He hadn't really understood just how much he enjoyed the feeling of teeth on his skin until right then.

Haruka's tongue lathered across the bite sloppily, before he let another soft whine escape him as Rin thrust in harder. The Samezuka swimmer's hand shook violently and he hitched up Haru's leg higher on his hip.

"H-Haru, oh fuck," Rin groaned out. Haruka bit him again in response and he gave a loud moan, shuddering in pleasure. His entire brain was filled with fog; he was surprised he could form coherent words still. "Shit. I-if you keep d-doing that I won't la-last long at all." Haru simply hummed softly between breathy moans, and sucked a mark into the skin of his neck.

The raven-haired swimmer pulled him in, lifting his hips just a little more. Testing angles, maybe. Rin pulled his leg higher up, then threw caution to the wind and pulled Haru's leg against his shoulder. Bless swimmers and their flexibility. Haru let out a soft gasp then he tensed and a  _new_  sound escaped him, a high pitched cry that caused the redhead to freeze and panic. He had hurt Haru, hadn't he? He had hurt him.

"I will…hurt you…if you stop," Haru panted out, pulling back and opening his eyes to glare up at Rin. Rin blinked rapidly down at him, then snapped his hips forward again and Haru let out another high pitched moan. "J-just… there."

That noise was one of pure pleasure, he now realized. Not pain. He berated himself momentarily at thinking that was a sound of pain, but all other thoughts were forced from his mind. Rin flushed darkly but continued to move, trying his hardest to keep the angle that seemed to be sending Haruka over the top. He let out a soft whimper as the pleasure began to build even more, and Haru dragged him down for another bruising kiss.

"C-come on," Haru choked out against Rin's lips and bit at them, licking and sucking at his mouth.

Rin reached between them and grabbed ahold of Haru's dick, starting to stroke it in time with his thrusts. He had thought this would be simple, it seemed simple, right? It wasn't. His hips were shaking now, and so were his shoulders, and he couldn't keep up a steady rhythm anymore. But when he looked down at Haru, he realized that the other boy didn't really seem to care.

Rin squeezed him and thrust in deep, and Haru was cumming all over his hand, and he was holding onto Rin so tightly, and the pressure on his dick was so much that the redhead followed a moment later with his own climax, choking out Haru's name through the high.

For the longest time, they lay together, panting erratically. Then Haruka grunted and pushed gently at Rin's shoulder and the redhead allowed himself to slide from his lover and roll to the side. Haru let out a soft huff of breathe and looked over at his boyfriend.

Rin couldn't help but stare. In the afterglow of his orgasm, Haru was flushed a delicate shade of pink now, eyes still glazed with the pleasure and exertion of their fucking. And he was smiling. The swimmer slowly leaned forward and kissed Rin's bruised lips with gentle touches. He ran his fingers through red hair and ran his hands down Rin's back.

Both too exhausted to bother getting cleaned up from the sticky mess they made, the two swimmers lay sleepily on Haru's small bed, Rin's face buried in the crook of the dark-haired boy's neck. He drifted, relishing in the feeling of being so close to the other, and the way that Haru's fingers traced lazy designs on his back. He was already half asleep when Haru's hands stilled, signaling that the Iwatobi swimmer had dozed off. Rin was close behind, safe in Haru's arms.

 

He hadn't slept that well in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason, I'm still terrified of sharing my Free! fics, especially since I've read some absolutely beautiful ones... W-what do you guys think? Did you enjoy it?

**Author's Note:**

> It's actually really challenging for me to post short chapters like this, but I didn't like how it read broken up into only two chapters, and if I didn't break it up, it seemed a bit long. 
> 
> Next chapter will be posted around the 4th.


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